Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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