i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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