Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
