How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
