Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
