i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
