How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
