oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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