ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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