So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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