So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This is not my ceiling
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
