Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
