Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
