You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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