Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
