I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
