I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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