sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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