eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
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I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.