She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.