downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.