My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
