I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
