After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
