I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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