I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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