Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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