dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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