I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
