dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
