you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
