I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
