i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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