you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
