this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
