Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
