We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
