I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
