how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We just shotgunned beers for America
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
