Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
