What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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