the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
