Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
