I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
