Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
