I think I won the penis lottery.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
