Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't put those talents on a resume
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
