apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
