This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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