Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
