im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
