I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
