the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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