those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
