omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
