and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
