She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
