You made me cry and you don't even care
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
