3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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