i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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