so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
