My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
