It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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