The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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