I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
