she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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