Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
