Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
