i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
