i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
