all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
