they need to just BURY HIM!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
