Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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