you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
