1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment