I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy