They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.