you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.