fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.