My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
