i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
