had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You pole danced in your parka.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
